The freelance writing is going mostly okay. It’s been kind of a struggle to stay positive and to write no matter what. I have some sort of anxiety, I think; typically I assume that it’s performance anxiety, because when it comes to doing, I stall on things pretty frequently. For some reason, even though I know that I’m good at something, I freak when it comes time to prove that I’m good.

Things didn’t used to be that way. You couldn’t stop me from showing off. I was great at everything, and there was no stopping me from showing it.

I hope to get back to that.

So after a year of avoiding my calling to what I loved, I am returning to video game design. I think that I was mainly avoiding it because it was so much apart of my last relationship… that, and it dealt with discipline, a blog post that I’ve been working on but haven’t entirely completed. I’m very glad to be going back into game design. I was still always writing, and when I was thinking about the whole fitness modeling thing, I kept regretting that I’d never see a game published with my name on it. That should have been a huge red flag.

It was a very long, tear-filled conversation of regrets that brought me back to this decision, which I believe is the best that I’ve had in a long time. I want to help the world, but I guess I can only do it through donations and supporting those whose aims support the causes I believe in. I have a certain set of strengths, and I need to focus on those.