Heya. I’ve been kind of busy, going back and forth to interviews, cleaning the apartment, and, for most of yesterday, braiding my hair for 8 hours straight. Woo, that took awhile, but I’m happy with the results. 3 months of easy maintenance! ­čśÇ I got to watch a pretty damn great anime called Steins;Gate while I was doing it, so I might be finishing that today…

Doctor’s appointment in a bit, but after that it’s writing and executing some notes that I took a few months ago in regard to writing. Gotta get serious about this freelancing thing.

For the longest time, I was afraid to publicly publish my works. It was a combination of things: a lot of it was my mother telling me that people would steal my ideas. She also told me a lot about the California Raisins. (It’s related, I think, to why I hoard paper. It doesn’t help that the whole identity theft thing has kicked in as of late. That’s a digression.) I was also afraid that people would reject the things that I’d written and think that they were bad or horrible or no good.

Then one day I started to share my fanfiction. People liked it. They loved it. People started asking me for more. I found out a few years ago that a story I thought I’d lost was loved so much by another person that they archived it on their site. I started sharing my original stories, about my mythology, and people created fanart.

For awhile, I lost track of who and where I was, and I stopped writing.

I’m writing again now. I’m starting to share again, too. I feel like a baby horse who was just born, but has to learn to walk as soon as she can. I am trying things out, shakily, but then getting better at them with practice. I am learning to share with others again, too.

It’s nice so far. I started by sharing with friends – a safe choice – and now I’m sharing again with strangers. But this time, instead of Shameru Mizunori, Tearyne Glover’s name is attached to it. I’m hoping to get the short novella finished, so I can edit it and perfect it for my audience. Shortly thereafter, I’d like to make it into a visual novel.

I’m excited. A lot of the time, I am scared. I don’t want to work on it. What if I ruin it? What if people don’t like it? But when I hear that chorus starting in my head, I have to immediately shut it out. I have to tell myself, the little filly who is trying to learn to walk, to keep walking. If I ever want to be able to gallop and clear high hurdles, I have to learn how to walk and get good at it.

There was rain today.

I saw it on the way in to the tents as I was ushered in, with people trying to hold umbrellas over my head to keep the moisture out; it wouldn’t do much good.┬áThe entire world seemed muggy and hazy this afternoon. Was would not be the correct word, though, because it is still raining, even now. I cannot see it falling, from my position in the backstage area, but I can hear it, and I can still smell it.┬áThe smell of sweets and spices from the surrounding marketplaces have been drowned out by that of warm, wet earth and fresh water as it falls from the sky. I can still hear people’s reaction to it as well. Workers are running in and out of the area outside of my door, yelling directions and orders at one another. Grab the line, don’t let the costumes get wet. Move this over a few feet, what in the Goddess’ name are you doing? On and on bark the calls, echoing down the halls to where I am now. Cast and crew alike are left wondering when the rain will let up.

Wondering if the rain will ever let up.

There is supposed to be a show today, but I’m not entirely certain that people will come now that the weather has gotten bad. No one is.

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  • Having a house
  • Braces
  • Being able to contribute to college educations for my nieces
  • Pride in the abilities of my siblings and trying to set a good example for them
  • Paying my car off
I’ve found that having more material goals and aspirations has helped me out a lot, ironic as it sounds. I did not value money, so I didn’t really understand the value of it. I’d just keep on keeping on at customer service jobs, because I was happy. I didn’t really ever stop to think about how much my expertise in the field and my skills were worth. Hell, I didn’t even know that my writing was worth anything. But through a bunch of things coming together in recent years (one of which admittedly is my relationships with my motivated, educated, and success driven boyfriends of Christmases past and present), I have gotten used to realizing that my abilities have the potential for monetization.
Those things that I do really well? Well, they’re actually worth a lot. And for once in my life, I am acting like it.

Lord, I just read one of the most encouraging things ever about blogging, writing, and content creation. Just gotta stay focused, keep creating. I can do this. I try to write a blog post to my personal blog every day, just to say that I’ve done something. And I write a few things for Textbroker when there’s something I can piece together. Maybe I’ll go back to doing art history pieces. I really want to talk to my professor again, but some things happened last semester.

Oh school. I have so many dirty, horrid four plus letter words I want to call you. But I won’t. I’ll just stay focused on keeping focused. And getting things done. I think that’s part of why I like Google+ so much, actually; it keeps me writing and creating. It’s like I’m blogging like I used to.

This morning I got on The Sims Social, and I noticed that my llama investing quest had been set back two steps. I’m now again on the part where you have to Check Your Llama Investing Portfolio in two hours and have one hope. That’s the stage I was in yesterday at 5:00 pm. Why did this reset? What is going on?