• Ability to form my own schedule
  • I want time to spend with a dog
  • I want to be able to go home more than once a year for a weekend or for someone’s funeral
  • I want to be responsible for my own failure and success
  • I want to control my own life
  • I want to eat at home because I fucking love my own cooking
  • I want to go to the gym more often
  • I want to travel and continue my job even if I live in a foreign country
  • I want to be with my boyfriend more

I’ve been up for a few hours now. I can’t really get back to sleep. To pass the time I’ve been catching up with a dear friend on Facebook, made tea and coffee, and I have been playing Chuck the Sheep on Kongregate. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what an online friend and quasi mentor of mine, Lauryn, said to me when I asked her how she stays focused on her motives and ambitions as someone who works for herself. She said it’s about developing and following your systems. She said that once you get your systems down, and you just go with them, then everything should be good after that. However, if there are any flaws in your system, then it will be hard to keep things going smoothly.

I have been trying this last week or so to look at my routines, seeing where there are systems for getting things done and where there are not. It’s been a bit jarring at times. I worked one night on my system for dedicating time to my writing and transcription work. I had to stay up all night (while simultaneously making mini sweet potato pies for a competition I entered), but I got it done. I felt really great and accomplished. I’ll be honest: there are probably a lot of capitalization errors in the transcript. However, I got it done, and I spell checked it and everything.

Next go round, it will be more flawless. If I decide to go back that route, that is. I mean, to be honest, completely? That was 6 or 7 hours work for 22 dollars. Maybe I just have to get better at it, but damn. I’m not sure that that was worth that kind of dinero. Who knows.

Another thing I’ve been dealing with lately is being scared to spend money on anything. I need to spend money on things likes clothes and shoes, but then I rationalize that what I have is good enough. Then I think that my desire to wear clothes that befit my new station in an office is me being a bit over indulgent, and then I put things back, even when I’ve caught a good sale. I talked to my boyfriend about this last night, and he helped put my head on straight (one of the many reasons I adore him). If I need something to progress, I shouldn’t be worried about purchasing it. It is a need, just like food and gas for the car.

He’s really helped me to grow and develop.

I’m trying to get more connected to my online friends and resources like I was before. I miss them a lot. I’ve also connected back with some friends back home. There’s other things that have worried me, but I think having my e-support network has been really beneficial. I am desperately trying to move closer to Dallas (Irving is my target right now) so that I can get in more with other people who will share and fuel my love of games and game development, but I have several more months left on this lease. For now going to the anime club meetings has been nice. I really like the people that I met there.

Sorry. This blog is rambling, but I need to get these things out there. Hopefully there’ll be more, other things to come.

And randomly, I need to get a laptop. This thing is pro. 🙂

I realized this morning that this blog is supposed to be about my innovations and frustrations as an innovator. And I’m getting there. I just have to keep writing and writing in order to get myself back into the habit. But I just read a piece about the infamous Steve Jobs – you know, the one guy that named his company after a fruit and he made some cell phones. As much as I might bash and hate Apple products (while secretly envying them and wishing I could find something almost as good as iTunes to handle my music), I can’t help but admire this guy. How is he so damn awesome? Probably because he decides to do something and, well – he does it.

I decided that I’m going to be an entrepreneur, and an innovator, but I don’t think I’ve exactly locked down on what things it is that I want to make better. The best way to be a self-employed business owner is to find something that is already good and make it better or find a need that people have that isn’t being fulfilled and to fill that gap. For me, I’m very much into the idea of making games very central to our human experiences. Most of the way that we learn through as children is through games. To that end, I have already been working on some applications that kind of pit the competitive nature of games against procrastination. I did this because I know that for me, I get the greatest drive to do when I am competing against other people. I am terribly competitive, and at times I can be a terrible sport when I lose. Ask my boyfriend what happened when he, a rookie gamer, beat me at Marvel Vs. Capcom at the mall.

So to that end, I figured, it’s time to figure out some of the things that I want to innovate.

  • Methods of Studying – Growing up, I was That Kid. The kid that never had to study but still got A’s. And even when I did have to study something more advanced, I competed against others to get better grades. I always had to be the better person or be beating someone for me to care about it. To that end, I have an application I’ve been expanding upon that will do just this. Games and education can be paired together well, and social media’s just another boon to the mix…
  • Storytelling – I’m not sure that this will count as an innovation. As a little girl, I wanted to work for Square-Enix. I wanted to work on the next Final Fantasy 28. I even speak Japanese. But now, I’m wanting to make my own studio, and my own brand of interactive storytelling experiences. Right now, I’m getting back into writing, but I’m also learning about the Japanese phenomenon of visual novels. I plan on utilizing that base and integrating aspects of it to make a storytelling experience that will be emotionally involving for players to a brand new level. Book meets game.
  • Professional networking – Let’s face it. LinkedIn is great, but it’s a touch stuffy, and it’s not exactly the angle that every industry needs. That’s why you still have sites like Model Mayhem. They cater to a different niche with different needs. I’ve found a niche with a need, and pairing this with mobile technology, I’m pretty sure I’m onto something.
Sometimes I wonder if I should just focus on one thing. Sometimes I just want to focus on everything. For the time being, I’m working on different projects for chunks of time, then switching over when my interest wanes. It’s been working out decently for me, so I think I’ll keep to the pattern. However, as projects get closer to being wrapped, I’ll be focusing on them exclusively.
Here’s to the future Tearyne, and hoping that she’ll be all that she’s ever dreamed of being.

I spent a chunk of time yesterday doing some really quick, SEO-style freelance writing assignments. Several of them have already been accepted by clients. I’m trying to generate some ideas for myself to write about so that I can post them to my Constant-Content profile… If you know anyone that’s in need of copy writing, send them my way. I can do a diverse range of topics, and I can get things punched out fairly quickly. I am doing rates of approximately two cents a word right now.

Still working on getting KaaliBilli.com set up. Got the domain name purchased and the name servers setup. Wish me luck. I’m also peering into being a contracted person for the majority of my endeavors from this point out… Like the flexibility aspect a lot more. Will result in a lot of lifestyle changes like purchasing and budgeting in bulk, but it’s what I’ve slowly been working toward. Will involve piling up savings, chipping away at them, etc. I’m very excited. Working on the skills associated with that.

Personal stuff is gnawing at me. I’ve started back up my livejournal. That’s mostly the raw, ugly, horribly emotional stuff that rips me to shreds and that I can’t get out. I posted a note to Facebook, but I doubt anyone will read it or notice it. Ah well.

That’s it for today. 🙂 Bai.